So we start with a shirtless Kayne talking about… something… how are we supposed to listen to his words when he is half naked? Vincent likes his win, big surprise, and Jeffrey thinks that everyone’s to get him.
Heidi stands on the runway with scary bangs as the designers pick their models. I really can’t remember which one is which except for Pam Grier look alike, and there is a mini-plotline of some model named Amanda who is despised by Pam Grier look alike because she feels like she deserves to win.
The challenge; design for a Jet Setter, to which Kayne guesses Tara Reid. TARA REID? Jet setter? Just because one falls off the plane drunk and lost doesn’t make her a trend setter, but I suppose we can’t expect much from an area of the country where Britney Spears is queen.
The show rushes over to the workroom and Tim explains that the designers will be designing for themselves--- then why did they pick models? WHY?--- am I the only one who noticed that the models have been unused for more episodes this season than every other season?—plus, since the designers aren’t made to stay with their models, it’s like two different worlds! I miss nick and his muses.
Seventy five dollars and one day and the hi ho, hi ho, the designers are off to mood to pick fabric. Angela slaps on her ugly glasses- I’ve honestly never seen one accessory make someone ugly in so little time- she reminds us that she is from Ohio AGAIN- Angela, perhaps you aren’t aware, but many, many people are from Ohio.
Kayne’s oozing sparkly orange flamboyant choosing a purple silk with feathers while Uli, again, is in the pattern section, as Angela explains that she has a cousin who travels around the world hunting. Yes, hunting.
Vincent is in his boxers! My eyes! My eyes! He explains that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, which isn’t what you really want to hear from a man in his boxers.
Jeffrey, still in high school, sits at his space crowing to himself about Angela’s mom. Jeffrey, no one wants to hear you talk, and yet you always seem to be talking. Who are you talking to? Jeffrey admits that he had made the ugliest dress ever, and yet he accuses Angela and her mother of conspiring to kick him off the show. Jeffrey needs therapy.
Half naked Kayne, again sewing his shirt, which was normal black until he slapped the gawdawful Liberace would even say its too much fabric on it, which paired with his flared pants leaves Tim to cry Elvis!
Vincent is wearing pants, finally, and we are rewarded with a shot of his crotch. Yay.
Then comes a scene that explains a little bit why Michael is so lovable. Perhaps because he LISTENS TO TIM! And we love Tim, yes we do!
Tim tells Angela her stuff is a little Holly Hobbie, which, apparently is a bad thing to Tim and a good thing to Angela. All I know is that she has attached the flourettes from hell on each cheek of her buttocks in a horrendous flower pattern, perhaps because her idea of Jet Setting is traveling to the county fair.
Jeffrey is done and tells his imaginary friend so, and then he and imaginary bob laugh at his joke. What joke, we have no idea, but many obnoxious things about Jeffrey are a mystery.
He also tells us that he is a little afraid of Kayne’s outfit and all I can think about is how I’d EAT Kayne’s outfit in exchange for Jeffrey SHUTTING UP.
The designers are getting dressed and we are shown unnecessary shots of the designers in various states of undress. Yeck.
Side Note: a new l’oreal commercial! Finally! At this point, I could find my perfect true match foundation if left in the woods blindfolded with a ruler. I totally wasn’t paying attention to anything Collier was saying, but whatever.
Runway time! Heidi, in yet another ridiculous ensemble welcomes the judges to the runway and explains that the designers are going to walk down the runway, to whom, we have no idea.
Vincent walks down in all black and rainbows, which Jeffrey calls “tool time”, which I don’t understand since Tool Time wasn’t a real show, but Jeffrey doesn’t care since he and imaginary bob will laugh about it later, when they laugh at all of Jeffrey’s funny, funny jokes.
Jeffrey looks “rockstar” while Michael looks “white party”. Laura is pretty! Uli is silky and patterned, and Angela is ready for her first day at Middleofnowhere high school!
Judges- Michael, Nina and Some guy from Calvin Klien. Uli does her rendition of “Welcome to Miami”, and the judges looooove Jeffrey. I can’t believe that anyone could like Jeffrey—my MOM doesn’t even like Jeffrey- she calls him “the mean guy with the ugly neck tattoos”.
Vincent gets chastised for being safe, and we’re just afraid that he’ll get all crazy again.
They ask Kayne where he is going even though the answer is obvious: Graceland.
However, Heidi announces that the judging isn’t over and that the designers will be traveling—which obviously shocks Angela because her face ends up resembling the “scream mask”.
They have one hour to pack and Kayne thinks that they are either going to Iceland or Australia. I have no idea what to say. Laura packs her ab fab LV luggage and they all head to the airport and find out that they are going to dun dun dun! PARIS!
Tim travels with them and they get to Paris De Gaulle and go straight to… Parsons Paris! Like McDonalds, they have them everywhere!
Catherine Malandrino meets them to judge how the outfits travel— Angela recognizes Catherine as queen of chic and professes a desire to be like her. Angela, my dear, you shouldn’t even be allowed to say the word “chic”.
Mini runway in the new workroom, from this table *points* to that table*points*, a little hokey, but I guess it does the trick. Kayne, Vincent, Michael, Uli and Laura look the same as we are mesmerized by the rhinestones in Jeffrey’s crotch.
Tim tallies up the scores and announces the results, which seems a little awkward for him, but whatever—Laura, in, Vincent, in, Winner, Jeffrey—ok, look you won, can you shut up now? Always the victim, right? Perhaps, Jeffrey, you are a victim of being the most obnoxious person on the face of this earth—Micheal, in, Uli, in—but accused of being one note—and Angela, Kayne are left.
The last insults are delivered in Catherine’s French accent, which make them so much more entertaining— Kayne looks ridiculous, like a fake pop star, and Angela is from another world and Angela is out.
Jeffrey tells us that he is glad that she gone and all I can think about is how I will be glad when Jeffrey realizes that he is acting like a mean, self centered, arrogant, obnoxious prick with bad taste.
Addendum: My roommate googled Holly Hobbie for me and she is some strawberry shortcake looking cartoon, which explains nothing, so I’ll just continue to pretend to understand the reference.